Gravity? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Gravity!

This comes from Paul S. Kemp over at Dark and Empty:

I maintain that gravity does not exist. Instead, I believe that a nearly infinite number of tiny, invisible, undetectable, ethereal faeries spend their lives intertwined in living faerie-chains that span the universe, extending between objects and bodies. It is the pull of the faeries and the interaction of their magical auras that create the phenomenon we have heretofore called gravity.

While it's true that my theory cannot explain all the evidence associated with the thing we've previous thought to be gravity, I confidently believe that the faeries are somehow involved. They are merely inscrutable, beyond our understanding. It is also true that my view is not testable by the scientific method, since my faeries are, by definition, undetectable. But that merely illustrates the sublimity of the faeries, not a failing of the theory.

I hasten to add that belief in invisible faeries goes back over a thousand years, and can be found in many cultures. Thus, the weight of tradition supports the view that faeries exist.

I demand, therefore, that faerie chainism henceforth be included in school textbooks as an alternative to the teaching of gravity. After all, even scientists who do not believe in faeries acknowledge that gravity is little more than a mere theory.

If faeries are responsible for gravity I would love to see what causes plate tectonics!